I Was So Traumatised I Couldn't Even Look In A Mirror

The rape survivor who helps other victims to enjoy sex again

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• Pavan Amara, 27, started the My Body Back project to help assault victims
• The workshops aim to help rape survivors enjoy sex again
• The student nurse also set up a clinic offering smear and STI tests

A woman who was disappointed in the lack of long-term support after she was raped in her teens is helping other victims to enjoy sex again.

Pavan Amara, 27, from North London, set up the My Body Back project and holds monthly meetings in a sex shop in Shoreditch to help women connect with their bodies again.

The student nurse launched Cafe V, which stands for vagina, along with clinics that offer sensitive cervical smears and sexual health tests for traumatised victims.

Pavan Amara found there was little long-term help for rape victims after she was sexually assaulted in her teens

Pavan spoke to 30 sexual assault survivors last year and set up the My Body Back project to help then reclaim their bodies. One initiative sees people write 'Notes of Love' to offer their support and encouragement

Pavan started the clinic at The Kenton and Lucas Wing, St. Bartholomew's Hospital, London, after she felt unable to face these kind of procedures herself, and found other women felt the same way.

'We have a laugh though, it's not all doom and gloom - we have cake and tea and have a chat together. It's important for women to focus on their own physical sensations again.'

The workshops held in Sh!, a sex shop aimed at women, offer practical homework for women, such as standing under the shower and feeling the drops of water fall on their skin.

She set up the initiative in March where university students write empowering messages to victims of sexual assault

The notes are displayed in forensic testing and Rape Crisis centres and women are allowed to take home a message they connect with

Cafe V is now launching in cities around the UK and the My Body Back team is talking to organisations in the US about running workshops there too.

Before setting up the project, Pavan spoke to 30 women who had been victims of sexual assault and found that some were so tense they blacked out or threw up during sex, even years after the attack.

Pavan was raped as a teenager and felt there was a lack of long-term care for sexual assault survivors. 

Speaking about the poor body image she suffered as a result, she said: 'Afterwards I didn't even have photos taken and couldn't look in the mirror.

'I don't want it to sound overdramatic. It was more of a practical problem, how could I put my makeup on when I can't look in the mirror or coordinate my clothes.

'That was two or three years after it happened and there was no support for me then.'

Pavan went for a smear test but had to leave when the experience reminded her of the attack and she stopped going to the doctor. 

She googled 'rape, body image, can’t go to doctor' but found nothing.

At first she believed she was abnormal, but after speaking to other victims of sexual assault last year she found many that felt the same way.

Pavan felt she was the only one struggling with doctors appointments and was unable to have a cervical smear because of the memories it triggered (file photo)

The notes written by students encourage the women to 'stay strong' 'be brave' and 'keep going'

She said women wanted to feel in control of their bodies during examinations, but for many the experience triggered memories of their attack or the forensic tests they were subjected to afterwards. 

Pavan said: 'After it happened, I went to Rape Crisis and what I found was there was a lot of emotional support.

'But although they were great, it was enough counselling just to get you through, there was no counselling for the long term effects.' 

After the attack, Pavan remembers she struggled to be in crowded rooms.

She said: 'Little things like people I didn't know touching my shoulder. Sometimes people will grab you by the arm and say "you've dropped something".

'It would really get to me and shake me up, someone invading your space. I got very thin because of it, thinner than I've ever been. I thought I was the only one experiencing it.' 

She believed many women were avoiding doctors appointments for basic medical care because of it.

Since the clinic's launch last month, it is already over-subscribed until next year.

She said: 'Rape is always the fault of the rapist. So why should these women not be able to access vital services they deserve. 

Pavan was moved to see men at University of Cambridge also writing the heart-warming notes

The messages are written anonymously with one reading that what happened 'does not define you' and another insisting that 'you are still whole'

'They didn't feel they owned their body and they weren't going to the doctor because they didn't want to be in that situation where someone else is physically in control.'

One woman who's been treated at the clinic had a history of ovarian cancer within her family.

Pavan said: 'Her mum had the cancer and she felt she had a really high risk but was unable to go for a smear test.

'She felt like her control would be taken away. She had a smear test at the clinic and it came back normal, which was a relief to her.

'Even if she did have abnormal cells, at least she could have been treated.' 

Pavan spoke to these women in depth to work out what they wanted from a clinic and many specified that they would like a consultation first.

This allows women to flag phrases they wanted the doctor to avoid and areas of their body that they did not wish to be touched.

Pavan found some victims were suffering black outs and throwing up during sex because they were so tense

The project has been hugely successful with students lining up to write a note to a rape survivor

Pavan thinks it 's important at such a vulnerable time that women see these messages and are reassured that the attack was not their fault

She said: 'One woman said when she visited for a smear, the nurse had told her how to position herself and what to do physically, which echoed what her rapist had told her. That really affected her.'

'A woman didn't want the doctor to touch the inside of her knees as that was related to the sexual violence she experienced.'

Women are also encouraged to bring in items which will help relax them, such as cushions from home, or even aromatherapy or a massage tool to relax them.

In March, Pavan launched Notes of Love through the project, where strangers can write empowering letters to rape victims.

The project now runs in universities across the UK with students lining up to write heartwarming messages to other women.

The heart-shaped notes are then displayed in Crisis and forensic testing centres.

Pavan said: 'I know myself it's very easy to feel blame and think it's your fault.

'It's a vulnerable time and the idea is that women take a note of support they connect with and keep it.'

'I was at the University of Cambridge notes of love session and saw so many men lining up to write one.

'Think how amazing that would feel for any woman who has been a victim of sexual assault but hasn't shared that, to see people wanting to support them.'

For more information on My Body Back, click here to visit the site. 

Source:- http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3218537/Rape-survivor-traumatised-couldn-t-look-mirror-helping-assault-victims-enjoy-sex-again.html

15 Ways To Lose 10 Pounds Without Exercising

Ever have those days where you just don't feel like working out? (See: Netflix auto-play and bad weather.) Of course you do. You're human. But when you're on a mission to lose weight, shedding those extra pounds requires some serious gym time, right? Wrong. We turned to the experts for ways to lose weight without breaking a sweat on the treadmill, so you can maintain your sanity—and your beloved Netflix dates. You're welcome.

Pack in the protein. "Protein requires 25 percent more energy to digest than carbs, so it's possible to cut your calorie intake without eating less food," says California-based personal trainer Jamie Sullivan. Your body has to work harder to digest a salmon filet than it does a bowl of pasta, meaning you can get away with a few extra bites of that perfectly cooked fish while the noodles could do a number on your waistline. Eating protein also causes your body to release a hormone called leptin, which makes you feel fuller so you eat less later. Check out some of our healthy protein recipes and get cookin'.

Stay hydrated—with salt water. When it comes to H20, salt is not the enemy. "Water needs electrolytes like sodium, potassium, and chloride to be best absorbed," says Jenny Westerkamp, an R.D. in Chicago, which explains why they're added to popular sports drinks. She recommends adding a pinch of Celtic sea salt or real salt (unrefined and unbleached) to your water before chugging. "The electrolytes in the salt will push water into the cells where they need to be, rather than letting the water get flushed out, causing you to go to the bathroom every other minute." You'll notice a spike in energy after staying hydrated, too, and you'll be less likely to give in to cravings which are even harder to avoid when you're running on empty.

Don't skip meals. Your mom taught it to you when you were little, and now you're teaching it to your kiddos, but are you doing it yourself? You better be. Otherwise, "you'll end up snacking on the wrong food or eating too much at the next meal," says Shoshana Werber, R.D. Keep some healthy snacks around to keep your belly happy in between meals—we like these for when stress starts to take over.

Find yourself fidgeting? Embrace it. You can call it NEAT, or non-exercise activity thermogenesis. "It's energy that we expend on everything we do besides sleep, eat, and exercise," says Werber. "NEAT-related activities can speed up your metabolism and burn calories." Things like walking while you talk on the phone, cleaning, fidgeting, and dancing while you cook (come on, we know we aren't the only ones) all count.

Get more ZZZs. "If you're tired and up late, you're more prone to late-night snacking, which often causes weight gain," says Weber. "Lack of sleep impacts your hunger and fullness hormones—ghrelin and leptin—making it more difficult to lose weight." Put those chips back on the shelf, girl. It's midnight.

Write it down. Keeping a food journal forces you to look at the foods you're eating on a daily basis. "You'll be much more honest with yourself about what and how much you're actually eating," says Werber. And science backs it up: A recent survey from the weight-loss app Lose It! found that users who logged their daily eats lost more weight than those who didn't. Think about it: You'll actually want to eat healthier because writing, "12 cookies" and "18 chocolate squares" in the same journal entry is just not ideal, while writing "oven-roasted salmon with broccoli and wild rice, plus two squares of dark chocolate for dessert" sounds way more satisfying—and something to be proud of.

Limit those cooking shows. New research reveals women who steal recipes from them weigh more than those who don't. Copy these yummy meal ideas instead, and maybe just watch your favorite shows for the thrill of the cooking competition (we're looking at you, Bobby Flay).

Stop weighing yourself. Research shows it can backfire when weight loss is your goal. If you get too wrapped up in the number of pounds you still have to shed, you can get discouraged and be tempted to give up altogether. Just focus on having healthier behaviors—and use your clothes or weekly selfies as a guide if you need one—and the weight loss will follow.

Get social. Speaking of selfies, don't be afraid to show them to your friends. And yeah, we know your instinct is to give some major eye roll when scrolling through an abdomen-filled Instagram feed, but try to refrain.  Studies show that celebrating your clean eats and workout commitments on social media can actually promote weight loss because the support you'll get from those around you will motivate you to keep it up. So go on and click "post" already.

Mix in some matcha. We're talking about the powdered green tea that's been popular in Japan for quite some time now, and is now making waves in the U.S. A study found that it contains extremely high amounts of epigallocatechin gallate, or EGCG, which helps stop the growth of fat cells. Matcha is also loaded with these health benefits, so get ready to go green.

Go public. Researchers have found that public commuters have less body fat than those who drive, probably because of the extra walking and standing that's required when you take a train or a bus. It's not rocket science, but hey, it works. And those bills you save in gas? All a bonus.

Branch out with berries. A new study found that camu camu, an Amazonian berry, contains about 2,000 milligrams of vitamin C in just 3.5 ounces of fruit and can help lower blood sugar. When your blood sugar is too high, you need more insulin to metabolize the food you eat, and insulin stops your body from using stored fat as energy, says Westerkamp. In other words, higher blood sugar = more insulin = stored fat sticking around for waytoo long. Unfortunately, you won't find fresh camu camu berries at your local grocery store, but you can purchase them as a raw powder—perfect for mixing into smoothies—online or at natural health food stores.

Update your iPhone. If you haven't yet taken advantage of Apple's new Health app on iOS 8, it's time to start. You can track your daily activity, what you eat, how well you sleep, and tons of other health stats. Think of it as an easy way to stay on top of your weight-loss goals without buying yet another activity tracker. (We love 'em, but a girl can only have so many.)

Go nuts for nuts. Studies have shown that a diet high in nuts results in greater weight loss, and now scientists are finding the benefits go even further. New research found that peanuts can improve vascular health, while almonds can reduce belly fat and your risk of heart disease. Snack on a handful in the afternoon, or toss 'em in your salad for some extra healthy crunch.

Make your goals realistic. Do we all want to have Jennifer Aniston's body tomorrow? Obviously. Is it likely? Probably not. So instead of resorting to a crash-and-burn diet—which you know is going to fail before you even start it, so why waste the time—incorporate healthy tweaks to your routine one at a time. Research shows that it can help make a habit stick, and it can prevent you from feeling overwhelmed by a ton of change. Try swapping your canola oil for the coconut kind when you cook one week, and once you're used to that, replace a white starch with a green veggie at every meal. Look at that—pounds are peeling off without you going crazy in the process.

Source:- http://www.redbookmag.com/body/health-fitness/tips/a21256/lose-10-pounds-without-exercising/

Shopping Can Make You Happier—Science Says So!

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Been putting off holiday shopping till the last minute? Join the crowd (literally): Many people will be headed out today and tomorrow to search for the perfect gift. By the end of the season, Americans could spend up to $616 billion on holiday shopping, according to the National Retail Federation. Whatever you spend, you're bound to brighten someone's day with the gift you give, but what if your holiday shopping could give you a boost as well as the person you're buying for? Science says it can. So if you're dreading the trip to a crowded mall for Super Saturday—what retailers have dubbed the Saturday before Christmas—read on to shop happier. (And if you need inspiration, check out The Best Gift Ideas for Men, Foodies, Fashionistas, and Fit Women in Your Life.)

Skip the gift cards
When people were sad, shopping was 40 times more likely to give them a feeling of control that eased sadness than other activities, according to a study in the Journal of Consumer Psychology. Researchers think the act of choosing items and deciding between different things restores a sense of personal control that can extend to controlling feelings of sadness. But just browsing won't help—to reap the benefits, you actually need to pick out and pay for an item.

Give experiences
You may not be able to buy your mom a plane ticket to Tahiti and a stay at the Four Seasons, but a wine and cheese pairing class or private yoga lesson will do the trick. Several studies have found that people get more happiness from the anticipation that comes from waiting to experience something than when they just get material goods. Pick up concert tickets or tickets to see a new art exhibit, and the gifter and giftee will be equally as happy.

Stray from the list
You may know that black leather driving gloves are at the top of your friend's wish list, but as happy as they'll make her, there are likely other gifts she'll love, too. If finding something special and personal to give makes you more excited about giving it, its okay to go off-list. A more personal present goes way further than something someone could have bought themselves.

Look for luxury
Ok, we're not saying you have to drop loads of money on fancy presents, but if something feels upscale, like a nice pen or box of chocolates, making the purchase will boost your good vibes. Luxury consumption positively affects subjective well-being, says research in the journal Research in Quality of Life. Researchers were also able to rule out borrowing a luxury item over owning it, finding that your pal will be extra happy she's got the real deal, not just renting the runway.

source:- http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/shopping-can-make-you-happier-science-says-so